The Onion Essay

But lately, a growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man.A gnawing feeling that, deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian.

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Why, Jolly Old Saint Nick hasn't seen a Yule log this lit in ages!

"' I was really hoping to meet some ladies at Dragon Con for a little of the old horizontal bop,' said Melcher, who has been unwillingly celibate for the last 17 months.

But instead, I am fed the boiling feces of traitors by malicious, laughing Ifrit.

Is this to be my reward for destroying the enemies of my faith?

According to the review, authored by Pitchfork editor in chief Ryan Schreiber, the popular medium that predates the written word shows promise but nonetheless 'leaves the listener wanting more.'""It's great," said Weebles bassist Gary Gaspart, 22, speaking from the band's practice space in guitarist/vocalist Jonah Thompson's parents' garage. It's all about helping each other out, going to the other bands' shows.

We're really building on the Terre Haute Sound in ways that are going to blow it up, and I mean wide.""I am reminded of the words of Voltaire: ' I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it,'" Strossen said.Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower.The guy looked like a real man's man, too–big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. At least not until he started sucking my c***, that is."“At first, I thought it was going to be a fairly smooth transition, but it turns out He and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things,” said the pope, adding that the difficult new omnipotent deity had been “riding [his] ass nonstop” on everything from the divine revelation to the liturgical calendar."Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations.Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?' It didn't really pan out, though.'""I didn't waste any time moving in for the sale.I asked the woman how much she'd expect to pay for a handsome Bible with a 32-page full-color insert, a genuine, hand-f***ing-crafted leather cover, and a reinforced spine that could take just about any beating she could dish out.The heart, skin, and secret core are the three concepts attached to the idea of the hunt that humanity is on.They each contribute a vital piece to understanding just why the Onion is suggesting that humanity is flawed when it comes to their pursuit of happiness and finding life’s true meaning.""So I guess I'm expected to believe that, while watching The Empire Strikes Back, the second act of which is practically all Yoda, not once did you wonder what he looked like naked.And when he died in Return Of The Jedi, his robe remaining on his bed as his body disappeared, you never imagined that robe disappearing with Yoda still lying there on his back, his nude form exposed for all the world to see.


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